LIVE REVIEW: PRIVATE FUNCTION @ MAX WATTS
Featuring Wet Kiss, Dealers of God, and Pint Man
If you walked into Max Watt’s last night expecting a quiet gig, you clearly haven’t met this line-up.
This Melbourne show was less a concert and more a beer-fuelled fever dream kicked off by the stoic king of pint-based performance art. Pint Man, for the uninitiated, is exactly what he sounds like: a guy who silently drinks beers on stage while ambient music plays behind him. The crowd went off. Chants, cheers, and roars met every raised glass like it was the World Cup final. This is Melbourne’s own Marina Abramovic.
From surreal to more surreal, Dealers of God were next. A motley crew of balaclava musicians with the dramatic unveiling of a framed photo of Bill Clinton’s saxophone (yes, really), backed by the Halo theme. What followed was experimental hip hop, neo-psychedelia, plunderphonics and cloud rap. Some guy who looked eerily like Pint Man but in a balaclava stood silently at the side of the stage holding a pint like some spectral beer guardian. Dealers of God are weird, yes, but they’re also hypnotic. Tracks from their new album Cult Subterrane (featuring an alien that looks like the one from Oddworld) had the crowd locked in.
Then came Wet Kiss. A band I’d heard buzz about and was genuinely curious to see. They did not disappoint. If Prince and Yeah Yeah Yeahs had a baby that watched too much cable TV in the ‘90s, it’d sound like this. Their set had the crowd swaying and screaming in equal measure. Frontwoman Brenna was a magnetic presence, commanding the room with equal parts fire and playfulness. The band, decked out in animal makeup and funky hats, gave us tracks from Thus Spoke the Broken Chanteuse, which, honestly, is one of the best goth-pop album names of the year. The perfect primer for the chaos to come.
And then we came on Private Function. Melbourne’s resident punk chaos gremlins. Touring their new album ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (yep, good luck searching that one later), the band exploded onto the stage with all the backstage crew moshing alongside them during opener “Jusavinageez” from 2023’s 370HSSV0773H.
There were front flips. There was vomiting (multiple times, multiple members). There was Pint Man again, silently judging us all while sipping away. Bassist Milla hijacked the vocals halfway through and tore the place down. Guitarists Lauren and Anthony were in full shred mode, showcasing serious chops beneath all the madness. James on the keyboard brought actual flair to the mayhem… and frontman Chris? A certified maniac, leading the charge with a beer and a dream.
My highlights were “I Wish Australia Had Its Guns Again”, which turned the pit into a patriotic parody warzone, complete with “U-S-A!” chants. “Koala” gave us a mid-set group hug moment that was nicely tender. Chris jumped into the pit to hug every person individually while the rest of us stood misty-eyed and sweat-soaked. Then Aidan brought us into literal storytime with “Holbrook” while the whole venue sat cross-legged like good little children. Finally, “Albury Wodonga” turned Max Watt’s into a messy sing-along.
Yes, the sound had issues. Yes, Chris’s mic died or didn’t work more times than I could count. And yes, it all felt like it was held together with zip ties and shit beer. But honestly? That’s part of the magic. It was chaotic, drunk, self-aware, and fun.
Just don’t try to explain Pint Man to your friends.